Tag Archives: Drawing

How To Fool People Into Thinking You’re Neat

25 Oct

Step 1: Don’t own a lot of stuff
Step 2: DO own a Roomba
Step 3: THERE IS NO STEP 3

It’s hard to keep a lid on “stuff creep”, especially in the US, where everything is so cheap. My weaknesses are board games (stored invisibly in the couch) and clothes – not so much about having lots of clothes as it is trying to find the perfect shirt, the perfect jeans, etc. so I can look put-together without expending any effort.

Which brings me back to the Roomba; pretty much the embodiment of no-effort big-reward. It vacuums your house! It freaking vacuums your house!

image from iRobot

Sometimes the Roomba doesn’t get everything on the first pass so when it’s charged up I just send it out again. I run it even when I think the floors look clean but when I empty the canister it’s full of dust and cat fur. Where did that all come from? It also forces me to keep stuff off the ground – I feel super guilty if I come home and find that the Roomba has choked on a sock.

Almost all our friends here own one. It’s not as popular back in Australia but we’ve gotten James’ parents, my parents, Cat and Ivo to buy one, and they all love it (and have been getting their friends on board too). They all live in 3-4 bedroom houses so I think they just run it more often than we do. Apparently it works fine on carpet and can detect stairs so you don’t need to worry about it plummeting to its death.

James has a bit of a love/hate relationship with the Roomba. Sometimes when it’s fruitlessly trying to find its way back to the docking station he’ll give it a look of contempt, pick it up and put it back in its charger. The Roomba does his victory chirp and James is all “don’t you sing at me like you found your own way home.”

Also the cats don’t ride around on the Roomba like I had hoped. =(

My mum said that my dad runs theirs twice a day and keeps going “it’s so clean! So clean!” Ha! Apparently they’ve had various friends and family over to marvel over it.

So yeah, if you don’t have a Roomba you need to buy one. Dooo eeet. It’s the best thing I’ve ever bought and it just saves so much time (and it’s so satisfying to empty it – kind of like “this is all the crap I didn’t have to vacuum.”

And like I said earlier, the combination of clean floors and not owning much stuff tricks people into thinking I’m neat. I think it’s all the uncluttered surfaces – or maybe they just think we’ve put all our stuff away? Chuck says he’s intimidated by how clean our place is and calls it the “hermetically-sealed apartment.” But I’m secretly like “little do you know – I’m filthy. I didn’t even shower today.”

James is Wish-Efficient

7 Feb

James: Do you know what a wish log is? (He was reading an xkcd comic that mentioned them)
Me: No, but sometimes when your eyelash falls off people tell you to blow on it and make a wish.
*brief pause*
James: 
You know, you can just pull more of them off.

Well That’s the Last Time I Fish For Compliments

12 Nov

Me: Which scarf do you like better? *shows James 2 scarves online*
James: The red one (it was actually orange).
Me: What if I told you that one costs more?
James: Then the other one. A scarf should not cost more than $5.
Me: What if were a scarf? How much would you pay for me?
James: I told you. $5.

For Richer or Poorer, In Sickness and in Health

20 Sep

James: *looks at the bank balance* Hey what was our savings goal this month again?
Me: $X000
James: *looks at me and sadly shakes his head*

In *cough* completely unrelated news I wanted to get a waterproof camera because we were planning on going surfing with some friends this weekend. But James and I both caught colds and weren’t sure whether we’d be better in time so the camera wasn’t such a priority.

But then this happened.

James: You should buy the camera anyway to be happy.

It’s cos of the cold. James always panics a bit when I’m sick.

Moon Sad but Meteor Hopeful

11 Aug

I was reading the Seattle Times and there is supposed to be a meteor shower tonight between 11pm and 3am!

James: Yeah I read about that. But I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make you moon sad.

What is Moon Sadness?

You know how sometimes there is supposed to be an awesome lunar eclipse where the moon is supposed to go red? I get very excited about those in Melbourne. I’d wait all night, and then get James to come outside with me so we could look at the moon.

And we’d look and look and look but there would be too much cloud or pollution and we were never able to see it. Over the years James got resigned to being dragged outside to look at the non-existent fancymoon and then comforting me afterwards when I’d get moon sad.

Then the next day I would look at the articles online where they’d show a photo of the eclipse that was taken from the foothills of Hungary or something.

Anyone who has lived in Melbourne knows that moon sadness is a thing.

But anyway I am meteor optimistic. The newspaper was all like “look to the Eastern sky” We face the Eastern sky!

I’ve taken a preventative nap in anticipation of the meteors. Also because I’m sick at the moment, but let’s just call it a meteor nap.

Jamesisms

30 Jan

James is good at using simple concepts to illustrate more complicated ones. A few evenings ago he couldn’t think of the word “cliffhanger” and ended up with this:

James: That stuff like “oh no!” at the end of an episode

Just then:

James: (looking at my computer) Why is that guy screaming?
*pause*
James: (indignantly) Is that me??

Sweat!

14 Oct

LOL I just remembered – in the morning a few weeks ago, I woke up and rolled over a sweat patch that James had left there.

Me: Eeew! EEEEEEEW! It’s probably from where your balls meet your butt!

James had left to go to the bathroom or something, but he walked back into the room to look at me in disapproval.

And then I laughed so hard I fell over onto the sweat patch again.